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Welcome to The SOBs Membership: Where Even the Best Tier Is a Letdown (But You’ll Get More Than You Deserve Anyway)

Let’s cut the crap—you’re here because you think you’re special. Spoiler alert: you’re not. In fact, even if you claw your way to the top tier, you’ll still be a disappointment. But hey, I’m not one to leave trash out in the rain. Despite my disdain, you’ll get more value than you could ever hope for. Consider it an act of reluctant charity.